Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

I had run out of hope.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

What happens if a parent refuses to let their child be transgender? What happens if the parent tries their hardest not to allow their child to be trans, like flushing every bottle of their trans child's HRT down the toilet?

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Do you usually wear your panties over or under your pantyhose?

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

I was tired of fighting.

The sadness was still there.

Why doesn't speeding significantly decrease one’s commute time? I've done a lot of road trips and driving and have experimented by increasing speed by 10–20%, but somehow this never equates to arriving 20% sooner, even on clear roads.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Have you worn a tight black mini skirt?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Why do we exist, and why are we conscious?

Be who you already are.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

You are like me, then.

Why do men like to have sex with a woman's ass?

And the sadness?

It’s still here.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

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For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Why do companies cull employees during financial downturns without saying so?

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Why did I move on so fast from a relationship that was my whole life and I was so attached, I moved on by 2 months?

It’s here now, writing to you.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.